...leveraging the strategic power of soft skills®
Subscribe to one of Pat Wiklund's Electronic Newsletters		One-Person Business | Professional Services | Dental | | FAQ's about Coaching | About Pat | Pat's Working Values | | What Clients Have Said | Selected Clients | Home Page | Values that Inform My Work Heartfelt comments and positive feedback from my clients have challenged me to articulate not just my approach to my work, but the values I hold that inform that work. On the surface, their comments start with how "nice," and/or easy I am to work with. As we talked more, it was obvious that what I do is closely tied to the values I hold. Straight Talk, First Do no Harm One of my former clients commented that I deliver even very difficult feedback in a format that people can hear. Often, the feedback I need to give isn't what clients want to hear. My job is to tell the truth, to speak of the unspeakable, and declare current realities. And, at the same time, hold a place of respect and concern for my clients. My core value: first do no harm. When I deliver even very bad news from a place of respect, clients are more likely to hear. Their hearing the "what is" let's us move forward and use that knowledge and understanding to inform decisions and plans that need to be made. Acknowledge the Truth, Make the Invisible Visible Several former clients commented I seem "to get it", even without asking lots of questions or talking to lots of people. I really do ask a lot of questions. But, I also use a lot of unobtrusive measures, looking at what people are doing, saying, not saying, and what the environment and interactions are telling me. My core value: tell the truth, make visible the invisible. Everyone has secrets, big ones and little ones. Often, they'll keep their secrets hidden, not just from others, but even from themselves. In every case, hidden or visible, a secret has an effect. People know something's not right, they just aren't sure what it is, or even where and when to start looking. I sort through the layers of complexity and ambiguity. I assess when people are running their own agenda, or have idiosyncratic decision making or problem solving patterns. I sort out the issues and the effects they are having on the effectiveness of the organization and the key players. By identifying the patterns of individual and group behavior, what they say and what they do, I can find the leverage points to help people choose to change. Making Choices, Owning Freedom Some years ago, a client remarked that she found working with me "motivating." I had visions of a stereotypical motivational speaker, until she set me straight. "You help me see what's possible, that I can do it, and that it's my choice to make changes. So, even when I don't really 'want to,' I can understand what I need to do to move forward." My core value: take charge of what's happened, and act from choice. I firmly believe we can't always control what's happened to us. Especially other people. But we must take charge of what we do about what's happened. Taking charge, making good decisions and acting on them, rests on the foundation of facing reality and seeing viable options. Like the old song says, knowing when to hold 'em, fold 'em, or walk away. Good choices are as much tied to the process of choosing as the outcome of the process. By looking at long term consequences, rather than what's expedient in the short run, and what options are available, rather than just what you think you need to feel better, decision making can play a significant role in achieving strategic goals. Which means, of course, paying a short term price to increase the likelihood of achieving a long term goal. It means, freely choosing, not letting other people, circumstances or external events determine what you'll do next. I Want You, I Don't Need You One day a client greeted me with a full confession: he'd really messed up. Big time. Did the very thing that we had been working on his not doing. Disregarded all our hard work, and, one more time, did the very thing I'd been asked to get him to stop doing. As we talked that afternoon, he kept asking if I were angry with him, if I were still willing to work with him. We did talk about what he'd done. What set him off, what he'd learned, how he'd recover, who he owed as a result of his "bad behavior." I also strongly reinforced my expectations and his agreement to change. He'd failed himself, not me. If I had been caught up in letting each of his successes or failures determine how I felt about him, about myself, or our work together, then I'd be letting him control me. This is another one of those paradoxes: I must do less than half of the work. If not, my clients never learn how to do it themselves, or are only changing because I'm there to look over their shoulder and check up on them. I'm transferring skills and helping shift attitudes by facilitating their taking ownership of new competencies. I can't get angry or vindictive when people don't act in their own, or their organization's, best interests and/or keep their agreements for change. If I do, I've failed them, and failed the work. I assume their good will, their intention to change, and the issues and concerns that keep them from learning or acting in new ways arise out of their nonconscious behavior, fear, lack of skill or awareness, not maliciousness or devious needs to make me look bad. Does this mean I don't get concerned when people slide back into the same old stuff, like this client did? Of course not. But, it's part of the work. None of us learn and grow in a straight line. Back sliding and stumbles are to be expected. When they occur, it provides an opportunity for further learning, not an excuse for abuse. What this means for you: In a coaching relationship, congruent values are essential. When we can articulate our values, and then share them, our work moves faster, our relationship grows stronger, and we are more likely to obtain the results we both want from our time together.
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